I Thought Labor Was the Hard Part

When I was pregnant I spent a lot of time thinking about things like my baby's possible hair color and what kind of birth I wanted to have.

As my due date quickly approached, I began thinking more about labor.  How much would it hurt?  How high was my pain tolerance?

Never once did I give a passing thought to what would happen after the baby was born.  Sure, I was going to have this amazing gift from God to love on and dress up, but I didn't think about the little details.  I knew I wouldn't get much sleep, but I never realized just how little sleep I would actually get.  People would tell me to sleep while I could, but I was so engulfed in the pregnancy fog that I'm sure I smiled and thought, "yeah right, my baby is going to be an angel.  He's going to be born potty trained, sleeping through the night, and doing calculus."

Oh, how naive I was.

Never in my pregnancy did I imagine a day like today.  It was rough.

Hubs sent me this pic while I was at the store with the caption "I think he misses you."

-- I spent the day with this baby.  He was never quite as upset as that picture, but he was not a happy camper.  He refused to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time, hated the swing, and wanted to be held constantly.  I tried everything to make him happy and sleepy.  I rocked him, played on the floor to get out possible gas bubbles, and even took him for a drive.  The latter made him fall asleep, but he woke up again as soon as we got home.

-- Breastfeeding is tough.  I always assumed this would be easy.  I mean, it looks easy enough, right?  Place baby at breast, insert nipple into mouth.  Bada-bing, bada-boom, baby is happy and full.

Not so much.

After being told I needed to stop pumping and instead supplement with formula, I reached out for support in other places.  I found a breastfeeding support group near my home and attended a meeting Monday.  While there I a lactation consultant and set up a time to meet with her one-on-one.

Our meeting went so well.  I learned that everything my pediatrician told me was wrong.  I  also learned that I was kind of doing it wrong.  The LC helped me and I nursed Gene on one side and he was full and happy.  I left feeling confident and encouraged.  Proper latch is still a work in progress, of course, but I knew I could do it.

Today was a different day, though.  I felt discouraged from the get go.  I was having trouble getting Gene to properly latch.  As soon as I pulled him away to try again he would get fussy and shove his hands in his mouth.  It was frustrating.  It also didn't help that he wanted to eat constantly.  I felt like all I did today was feed my baby.

-- I'm having a tough time with the dogs.  I knew that they wouldn't get as much attention during the day as they were, but I never realized just how little love I'd be able to give them.  They've been acting out as a result.  They're aggressive toward each other and even to me.  I've actually been bit twice in the last week.  It's incredibly frustrating, but it's difficult to play fetch when you're feeding the baby.

-- I never realized how difficult it is to do simple day-to-day tasks.  Showering, getting dressed, and eating are 10X harder to accomplish when you have an angry, hungry baby to take care of.

It's days like today that I feel like a complete failure as a mother.  I thought for sure my baby must have drawn the short straw when it came time for parent assignments.

I know, however, that it won't always be like this.  He won't always prefer me over everyone else.  So, no matter how rough my day is, I sit back and try and enjoy the love and joy this little guy brings me...

...even if it means driving around for two hours so that he'll nap!